Tough Break
“Take my hand.” His arm extended towards me. God was I hesitant. My heart was going at a million miles an hour and my thoughts were all over the shot. And then I felt that feeling. You know, when all your muscles are dying to move but your minds telling you no. I looked back into his eyes.
“Come on! We’ve been planning this for weeks!” he paused. “Don’t leave me now.” Now that wasn’t fair. How the hell could I say no to that? Sorry mind, but muscles win this time. Without a second thought my hand jumped into his and the adrenalin was rolling.
We hopped the fence, and I knew there was no turning back now. I felt like screaming, I was just so full of energy. But I couldn’t. We had to be silent. Dead silent. Only necessary conversations were permitted. But I could feel the smile on my face spread from ear to ear. I can’t believe we were actually going to do this. I mean me of all people. I think I’m one of the least rebellious, outgoing people you’d ever meet. Whereas for Chris, this sounded right up his ally. In fact it wouldn’t surprise me if he’d done it before. But I wasn’t going to ask. I mean how would I? Just wander up and pop the question? I don’t think so. Besides there were a lot of clues suggesting that he had. Which is kind of disturbing in a way, but that’s his business.
Come on, focus Kat, focus! You can’t keep letting your mind wander like that. You need to concentrate. I looked around for Chris. He was a metre ahead of me. He just signalled to hurry up. Waving his hand like mad. God I felt awful. I must have been slowing him down so much. But never mind that. We just had to get to that building. Once we got there we’d be fine. But it was getting there that was the problem. It was still 1500 metres off, well at least the way we were going. I didn’t even see why we had to go to that particular building. But Chris never explained himself fully. He only told you what you need to know, I suppose. And that was part of his charm. Kind of mysterious and yet you knew everything. He was unquestionably the greatest puzzle I’d ever come across. But every time I thought I was finished I’d find out a piece was missing. And the amount of times I’d told myself I wasn’t going to try and solve it again. Well they all failed. I really need to follow my own advice.
Speaking of my own advice, focus! God, that’s always been my biggest weakness. My other one was running. And surely, it was Chris’ greatest strength. Once again, the same old hand signals telling my legs to move twice their natural speed. And just when I’d gotten into a good rhythm, all I could see was the stilled palm of his hand. Simultaneously we dropped to the ground. The footsteps were very faint. But they were there. And getting louder. I was scared that my heart beat was going to give my position away. The echoed steps were getting closer, and all I felt like doing was laughing. LAUGHING! What the fuck was wrong with me? It wasn’t difficult to tell that I’d never done anything wrong before. I’d never got a detention at school, never shop lifted, never even argued with my parents. Its like in all those movies, when the good character does something wrong, and then the other says “It feels good to break the rules, doesn’t it?”
This was one of those moments. I wish someone would ask me that, right now. I’ve always want...
Chris jumped up again, and looked back at me. I pushed my torso up and stumbled onto my feet. I kept looking around, wondering if that person had gone yet. Chris was waiting. I ran as quietly as I could up to him.
“Just watch out alright. And try to keep up.” I nodded and we both started to jog together.
It was a warm night, and I was getting fed up with this clothing. A long black shirt and long black pants didn’t compliment America’s summer well. How much longer til we get to that building? This was killing me! I needed to rest. I don’t think I’ve ever run this far in my whole life put together, let alone in a couple of minutes. I really should have participated in gym class. But no, I was a slacker wasn’t I.
I could see lights up ahead. They were really bright. I couldn’t look away they were that bright. For once I felt sorry for all those bugs that fly into the lamp outside our place, because no matter how much you want to look away its almost impossible. And at that moment I wish I’d just looked at where I was going.
Within two seconds I’d flipped straight over a log and face planted into the ground. My head was spinning and I could feel the blood running down my face. I attempted to lift myself up but was unsuccessful. I could feel someone tug on my shoulder. I looked around. It was Chris. He looked worried, really worried.
“Get up! Come on! Get up!” I tried again but failed.
“Take my hand.”
His voice was all distorted. I couldn’t hear properly. My eyes glazed over and I could only see his outline. Suddenly the texture of sound thickened. There were other voices, and dogs. I could hear people running, but only just. Those lights I couldn’t stop staring at before were scanning the landscape. I could see them moving. And then they stopped. Chris was still trying to move me. He was still talking to me. He was st-
BANG!
My senses returned like lightning.
“Chris.” I rolled over. All I could see was blood. I didn’t know whose it was. His or mine.
“Chris!” I tried to shake him alive. But I knew it was no use. I felt so stupid! I kept looking at his face, as if the more I looked at it, then he would just wake up. Like it was morning. Just another day.
“Chris.” My voice was hoarse as hell. I could feel the tears drop from my eyes. The footsteps were getting closer and I could hear all those dogs barking. There were so many, but all I could think was why. Why did we have to go to block C? His brother was in block A. If he’d done this before...
“Chris.”
He never answered.
His brother never broke out.
And I’ll never escape these bars.
Wow, fantastic story, Mystery Person!
ReplyDeleteThe story is tense and told with a sense of urgency. The pace is fast and gave me the impression (I'm such a visual, film-geek) of panting, exhausted refugees running desperately through fumbling searchlights, followed closely by a shaky film camera.
"Once again, the same old hand signals telling my legs to move twice their natural speed. And just when I’d gotten into a good rhythm, all I could see was the stilled palm of his hand."
What a GREAT description of fragmented scene building! We're in the dark with these characters, unable to ascertain our bearings.
"He was unquestionably the greatest puzzle I’d ever come across. But every time I thought I was finished I’d find out a piece was missing. And the amount of times I’d told myself I wasn’t going to try and solve it again. Well they all failed. I really need to follow my own advice."
Great character description! This says as much about this character as it does about our narrator.
You obviously have the descriptive ability and prose style to suit a variety of genres.
I'm very proud of you and this story!
OMG WHAT AN AWESOME STORY!
ReplyDeletei love it how you swore lol
The story flowed really really well and very emotive in every sense.The beginning is excellent and really grabbed me.I want to know who wrote all these stories now lol.
I can't think of anything to criticize!
The simple words enhanced the story and made it very uplifting.Good plot- 9 out of 10
CAPTIVATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow. That story made me feel tired after that girl was running and stuff. :)
Great work. :)
wow.
ReplyDeletei am in awe, that kept me captivated the whole time!
well done! there's nothing to change there.
:)
WOW!! that is defineately my favourite story so far. Extremely captivating and very well flowing. Great use of description and kept me in suspense the whole time. Absolutely nothing should be fixed in this story. I would pay to read somethingl ike that. Well done =)
ReplyDeleteExtraordinary effort.
I really like it. It's good how you use personal thoughts like "I really should have participated in gym class". It makes it sound more human as opposed to just a character in a story. That is awesome!
ReplyDeleteI love this. The last three lines especially gave a resounding effect to a great plot line. The characters felt real.
ReplyDeleteWow. I feel bad now, because i'm going to say something negative. I feel this story was very-well written, and descriptive, but about half-way through the story i started to get confused, and i wondered where it was going.
ReplyDeleteBut all in all- a great story.